he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
