we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
