i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
