I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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