2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
