so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm like, not good at living.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
