I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
