i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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