I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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