i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
