my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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