You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
