I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
tell me about the eggs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
