just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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