Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
