Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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