Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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