Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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