Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
