I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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