just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
