i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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