her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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