You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
