is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
