Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
