1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize