You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
