i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
