Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
