I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
