I hate all girls vehemently.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
