I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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