not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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