I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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