I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize