she woke up with a sticky ear
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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