im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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