Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize