Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
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