yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
