Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
