listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
