Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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