i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
