if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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