I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
