Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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