i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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