I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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