You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
