I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
