Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
