I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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