My underwear smells like fireworks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
