Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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