i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
