i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
