i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
