How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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