It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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