so explain again why im purple
no
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
