Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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