im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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