I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
