I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
