WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
