that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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