Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
