I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
