Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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