mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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